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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Five lies the broker told me

Recently me and a friend were house hunting. Low on cash for travel, low on budget for a house and with two + 1/2 days and an exam in the middle, we started on the biggest journey of our lives. We don't need to participate in a khatron ke khiladi type of reality show because we have faced all that and that too in the MUMBAI HEAT OF JUNE!

We had a list of houses and list of brokers ready before we came to bombay. I schedule was jam packed and we waltzed all over bombay meeting atleast 10 different brokers and seeing atleast 35 different houses, all over south bombay! If you think this is easy, managing schedules and travelling, then you do half of that and show it to me.

During this time, we were taken very lightly, because two english speaking girls who are obviously not marathi are a joke for brokers in bombay. So they lied to us and even tried to cheat us. But here are the top five lies that made it to my list -

1) Madam, can you hear the sound of the train? This means the station is right next to us.
(The station was atleast 3 kilometers away. Ass.)

2) This is not a chawl! This is SRS. It's no where near a chawl!
(SRS stands for Slum Rehablitation Society and the aunty who sat outside her house was rolling beedis.)

3) Wait for me at the temple, the house is right there.
(Then he comes and makes us walk all way opposite to the temple, after the 3rd signal, into to lane that's as big as shivaji park, while he rides his bike)

4)  The tenants are there in the house. We don't need keys.
(Climb 5 floors, to reach such a house and wait outside for 30 fucking minutes because tenants are sleeping apparenlty. The entire neighborhood woke up with the noise we made, but not them.)

5)The tenants like right beside you so there is no problem.
(Of course there is a problem if the tenants live right beside me, I DON'T WANT THEM COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING I DO!)

Here's hoping no one ever has such a ghastly yet entertaining experience again!